The Fear of Failure

I spent a lot of time this afternoon trying to plan my fall running schedule. I do want to run a marathon but I haven’t in about 20 years. My first marathon was in the late eighties, when I ran a 3:59 with no idea of how to train for a marathon; my PB was 2 years later, finishing at 3:23. So, here I am, twenty years later, married, working and with 2 children and I’m wondering if I can pull it off.

Really, if I train for a marathon, I have every confidence that I will run under 4:00. I do know what it takes and my race times for the past two years are good. I’m worried about two things: finding the time to run (especially in the fall when school starts again) and getting sick again. I’m worried about failure.

So, I think that I’ve solved both of these problems. When I developed pneumonia in April, for the second time in the past year, I realized that I need to make time for myself – not time to run or ride, but time to just relax and do nothing. This summer, then, is the first summer that I’m not working at a day camp or teaching Summer School in years and years and years. Instead, I’m going to stay home, play with the boys, run when I want and as far as I want, and rest myself strong again.

And, while this sounds funny coming from me, I have weak lungs. I am asthmatic and I’m susceptible to bronchitis. This year, I obviously have also developed a weakness for pneumonia. So, when I go in for my physical in July, I’m going to ask for the pneumonia vaccine. Hopefully, that will help.

It seems, then, that I have everything that I’m worried about under control. So what is holding me back from making that final commitment? I don’t know. I’d like to run 26.2 in late September but I worry that I don’t have enough time to taper properly. The end of October is doable but, at that point, school is busy and has this way of getting in the way. Mind you, if I’ve made that commitment, I will follow through.

So here is goes. November 7th: The Road to Hope in Hamilton, Ontario. That gives me 20 weeks to train, do some fun races in between and, of course, play with the boys!

6 Replies to “The Fear of Failure”

  1. Particularly since you live up north, wanted to let you know that Vitamin D supplements might help with your respiratory issues.

    I've come across it multiple times and had a few doctors (since I've talked to my share lately) agree that it has many benefits and we likely do not get enough naturally.

    I take 1000IU daily and haven't had a repeat of my pneumonia that messed up a few of my races last year.

    And sorry about your little dude's race experience, glad you're getting him back out there for a 2nd chance.

  2. So glad you have one on the books…I actually would love to do that one. It looks really good.

    With that kind of PR, I think the sky is the limit for you. You just need to believe in yourself and the rest will fall into place.

  3. Congrats on overcoming your fear and making a big decision! You've certainly thought it through. Best wishes for some smooth, healthy training!

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