Decision Made

I have always had a tough time running in the fall. Between going back to work and getting my boys organized with school, sports and music, it takes a while for me to get full control over my personal agenda. This week, even with two busy nights and another staying at school until 8:00, was the first since September that I really feel like I’ve had a grasp on things.

When I planned my November marathon, I knew that training in September would be hard. October can be even trickier, as kids get sick (my own and my students, who send their germs in my direction) and you never know what Mother Nature may have in store. But, I needed the time for my long runs; a September or October marathon were simply not in the cards.

And, as it turns out, neither is a November marathon. Today I headed out for my 20 miler, my first long run in two weeks. I felt great heading out, and I ran well. Skipper, who decided at the last minute to join me, commented that I was running fast. “Seriously, Mom,” he said, “you’ve been ahead of me most of the way and I’m on my bike. Usually, you’re behind me.” He was right; when I got home and calculated my distance and pace, I realized that I was running just over 7 minutes per mile.

But, during my run, I just didn’t feel right. I felt tired – not cardio or muscle tired – just plain tired. After 8 miles, I started to wonder how much further (as if I didn’t know) and struck off every subsequent mile with a sigh of relief.

By the time I got to 11 miles, I started to notice a cramp in the back of my right calf. I’m sure this is driving-related, a result of the stop and go driving that happens in the city. And, I remembered how that same calf muscle seized up on me last November, resulting in a DNF at a 10K. The only thing that made sense at the time was to slow down my pace and that annoyed me.

I didn’t want a slow run (remember, I run naked so I really had no idea how fast I was going) and I don’t want a slow marathon on November 7th. Sure, I can probably run and finish 26.2 miles respectably, but I want to feel good about how I finish. I want to run a 3:30 time and, with the way I felt I was running today, that seemed unattainable in Hamilton. So, somewhere between Miles 11 and 13, I decided to bail on a fall marathon.

There are two truths behind my decision. First, I respect the marathon distance. I know what I need to do to get what I want from it, and that means several more months of training. A few weeks ago, while running with Shawn, I commented, “In an ideal world, I’d get 6 to 8 twenty milers in and I’d be able to do them every other week. I’d have more rest time and that’s important for us aging runners.” While I have 4 more weeks to go, I don’t feel that I’ve logged enough miles to run the way I want to run; I feel like I would just be running myself into the ground.

Secondly, I am a mom. I am 47 years old and have two young children, aged 4 and 9. They have to come first. They need me strong and healthy; running myself down, both literally and figuratively, is not fair to them when they want me to help with their homework, curl up in front of the t.v. or sit on the floor and play Superheroes.

So, at Mile 13, Skipper spotted the Superman phone booth across the street. We stopped our 20-miler and called Daddy to pick us up.

As soon as I got home, I e-mailed the race director to request my entry be transferred to the half-marathon. I’m hoping it won’t be difficult.

Does this decision upset me? Not at all. In fact, I feel relieved because I have many more months to train for the full marathon, whether it is in the spring or early fall. I have a solid base and can slowly build to run several, not just 3 or 4, long runs over the winter. Hubby commented that I probably won’t feel like running long on some winter days; that’s okay because I have time on my side.

The one thing that does make me sad, though, is The Book. Melinda Hinson Neely had selected me as one of the marathon runners she was writing about in her upcoming book on first-time marathoners. I felt especially honoured to be in it because I’m not a first-timer, but a returning marathon runner. Now that I’m not running a marathon for many more months, I’ll probably be out of the book.

But, I will be running that marathon and, now, it won’t be my first in 19 years; it will be my first in twenty. That sounds so much better, don’t you think?

12 Replies to “Decision Made”

  1. We do know how much you love the Half Marathon.
    Your family must be proud to have such a level-headed and driven mother/wife.
    To put them, and games of Superheroes, in the forefront of your decision is to demonstrate your neverending juggling act, and I honestly think that effort continues to make a damn good story.

  2. You have a very aggressive goal, and if you don't feel ready, you shouldn't do it. You know your body better than anyone.

    I know there will be others besides you who don't end up running the race, and there could be a story to that. Whether it's an injury, fatigue or general lack of enthusiasm, I think there is something to be gleaned from your thoughts/decision. That said, I'm following marathoners till next May – so you still have time!!!

  3. Running yourself into the ground is never a good thing to do, nor is it reasonable with little people depending on you. I completely respect and understand your decision…good luck to you in the half!

  4. I'm glad you feel relieved about your decision, it shows deep down you know it was the right one. 20 sounds better anyway!

    hope this will cheer you up, you won my sock giveaway!

  5. I'm a little sad, and I know how hard it is to let go of a marathon you've been training for, but I completely respect your decision. Sometimes you just know when the time isn't right. Likewise, you'll know when it's time to go after it again. Now rock that half!

  6. I think you made a good decision – there are always other marathons in the future, and you'll feel so much better about it if you run it at your goal pace. Use hamilton to kick butt in the half-marathon! I know you will 😉

  7. I know this was a difficult decision for you, but it sounds like you feel a sense of relief now that a decision has been made. That little voice that speaks to all of us has probably been telling you (for awhile) that running Hamilton isn't really going to work this year, given your other many priorities, but sometimes we need more proof before we can make the right decision. For me, when I have decided to put something aside or make a concession about something, I think of Willa Cather who said (I am paraphrasing here) you can only be really, really, really (exceptionally) good at something if you give up everything else so that you can focus on than one thing. Since I wouldn't give up all the things I love, just to be able to do whatever it is I want to do at that time, it somehow makes me feel a little better :).

  8. I completely respect your decision and I'm glad you are at peace with it. There's no point in putting in the training if it's only going to send life's balance out of whack. I'm sure you'll rock the 1/2 and be back for a really strong marathon when the time is right.

  9. As an older runner and a Parent and a returning runner, I can totally identify with you. I sense your commitment to running and wanting to do yuor best, a Half marathon is no compromise. It to is a serious distance.

    It's just a small bump on the road.

    Keep up the running and get em next year.

  10. 20 is so much more rounded of a number…I actually repeated the sentence aloud using each variable, and the 20 sentence was like, “wow, REALLY??? That's GREAT!!!”…So there's the reaction you can anticipate. Happy mileage in the interim..I can totally relate to feeling like you MUST choose your children over running….I'll cheer you in the Half, and then I'll cheer you in the full next year….

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