One of the wonderful things about the Internet is that it carries a sense of anonymity; you can write whatever you want without worrying about who reads it. Ironically, though, the Internet also opens many windows to our lives and lets us expose ourselves to complete strangers. Google Earth is the perfect example of how invasive the web can be; its most recent view is the front of your home – available for the entire world to see.
Me, I’m transparent, whether face to face or across the wires. And it is that transparency that makes writing tonight so difficult.
Over the past few weeks, I have experienced stress at an entirely different level. The balls remain in balance but an outside force, one which I am not at all comfortable sharing, is sending them in different directions. With effort, they fall back together and stay in the air – just lower than usual.
What keeps the balls in place? Structure. I know that I have to leave the house each morning by 8:30 so that I can get to work on time. We have planned activities for the boys throughout the week; we know which days are going to be heavier homework nights. For me, Wednesday is my running night with my buddy; I save my long run for the weekends. Work, family and fitness: these pillars are holding me together and some inherent structure – one that I built over many, many years – is keeping them in place for me.
Commitment is the foundation of this structure. I am loyal to my job, my family, and my running, and not always in that order. I am committed to this blog and to following your own ventures. But, like the balls in the air, my ability to consistently read and write has dropped.
I am confident, though, that the negative force that suddenly intervened will eventually dissipate. With the support of my pillars, my family and my friends, I will get through this difficult time.